1. I’m so embarrassed. Our house never looks like this.
2. My alarm clock totally just didn’t go off.
3. I’m on a cleanse, but I feel amazing. I’m not even hungry.
4. I just washed my hands. I swear.
5. What’s your credit card number? There are no hidden costs.
6. That smell? It wasn’t me, y’all.
7. I really don’t even crave sugar anymore, ever.
8. It’s not even contagious.
9. This has no calories, but it tastes exactly like the real thing.
10. Yeah, I aced that test. I didn’t study, though.
11. I’m, like, not even drunk, you guys.
12. I called him at 3 am last night, but I’m seriously over him.
13. Yeah, girl, you totally pull off wearing leggings as pants.
14. I didn’t forget to put your order in. It’s the cook’s fault.
15. I have sick abs, but I eat all the donuts. All the time.
16. Your car will be ready in an hour, tops.
17. I’m so sorry. He never acts like this.
18. I never check my Facebook anymore.
19. It doesn’t even bother me when the baby wakes me up.
20. I’m not trying to be mean when I say this, but…
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